Tender Thoughts

Yesterday I was doing my laundry, and I found some of Andrew's shirts in the dryer. Okay, I know it sounds really corny, but I had a tender moment, okay? They smelled like him. I could smell it as I carried the shirts to the counter. Yes, dorky, but...I sat and sniffed his shirts for a while. It was like...musky sandalwood. You know, Janette and I always teased him about putting on too much cologne. He would walk out of the bathroom, and you'd have to wait a while before going in or you'd walk into a cloud of cologne. But right then, that smell was one of the best smells...I missed him a lot. I admit it, I got a little teary. I don't think Janette and I will tease him very much about the way he smells anymore.

Speaking of Janette, this experience has really helped her grow. She really dislikes hospitals, and she has always refused to babysit. Those are two things she was really afraid of. Since Andrew's been in the hospital, she's sort of come to terms with these things. I'm not saying she's come to like them, but she can deal with them without having a fit. She and Rebecca take care of the kids while Mommy and Daddy are gone to the hospital/sleeping, and she comes up to the hospital to visit Andrew. She says she doesn't like the hospital, but she likes seeing him.

I also noticed that Gordon doesn't complain about Andrew like he used to. He used to...you know how little and big brothers are...he used to complain a lot. "Andrew's bugging me," "Andrew's chasing me," Andrew would try and play wrestle with him: "Andrew's trying to hurt me..." And later, "Andrew's ignoring me," "Andrew isn't around anymore..." Anyway, now he doesn't complain. I think the love between my brothers has really grown.

Rebecca and Catherine...well, Rebecca's always been wonderful with responsibility. That came into play here. I think (I hope) that she's become a little softer, though. For example, one of her favorite ways to get attention is poking. Always poking! That hurts, and can get on someone's nerves. But a few days ago she just came as we were in the hospital and lay her head on my shoulder. Needless to say, I like that a lot better. Catherine I don't see that much, because she's always at home, but I think (and hope) she's learning to behave more when there aren't parents around all the time to discipline her.

As for me...It's more difficult to look at one's self and say how one has changed. But I think I've become less squeamish. I can look and help with tubes and catheters and spit-n-rinses, and although I don't like it I don't get nauseous like I used to. I can't quite hold someone's head while they vomit, not quite there yet, but I'm coming along.