Tender Thoughts

Yesterday I was doing my laundry, and I found some of Andrew's shirts in the dryer. Okay, I know it sounds really corny, but I had a tender moment, okay? They smelled like him. I could smell it as I carried the shirts to the counter. Yes, dorky, but...I sat and sniffed his shirts for a while. It was like...musky sandalwood. You know, Janette and I always teased him about putting on too much cologne. He would walk out of the bathroom, and you'd have to wait a while before going in or you'd walk into a cloud of cologne. But right then, that smell was one of the best smells...I missed him a lot. I admit it, I got a little teary. I don't think Janette and I will tease him very much about the way he smells anymore.

Speaking of Janette, this experience has really helped her grow. She really dislikes hospitals, and she has always refused to babysit. Those are two things she was really afraid of. Since Andrew's been in the hospital, she's sort of come to terms with these things. I'm not saying she's come to like them, but she can deal with them without having a fit. She and Rebecca take care of the kids while Mommy and Daddy are gone to the hospital/sleeping, and she comes up to the hospital to visit Andrew. She says she doesn't like the hospital, but she likes seeing him.

I also noticed that Gordon doesn't complain about Andrew like he used to. He used to...you know how little and big brothers are...he used to complain a lot. "Andrew's bugging me," "Andrew's chasing me," Andrew would try and play wrestle with him: "Andrew's trying to hurt me..." And later, "Andrew's ignoring me," "Andrew isn't around anymore..." Anyway, now he doesn't complain. I think the love between my brothers has really grown.

Rebecca and Catherine...well, Rebecca's always been wonderful with responsibility. That came into play here. I think (I hope) that she's become a little softer, though. For example, one of her favorite ways to get attention is poking. Always poking! That hurts, and can get on someone's nerves. But a few days ago she just came as we were in the hospital and lay her head on my shoulder. Needless to say, I like that a lot better. Catherine I don't see that much, because she's always at home, but I think (and hope) she's learning to behave more when there aren't parents around all the time to discipline her.

As for me...It's more difficult to look at one's self and say how one has changed. But I think I've become less squeamish. I can look and help with tubes and catheters and spit-n-rinses, and although I don't like it I don't get nauseous like I used to. I can't quite hold someone's head while they vomit, not quite there yet, but I'm coming along.

Andrew Update

Andrew is now onto pudding, yogurt and tomato soup. YAY! Hopefully he'll be home next week. He even took a shower yesterday (he's been avoiding that, since before the second surgery he threw up every time he took a shower)!

Depressing Day

*WARNING: This post is more of a glorified rant/vent.*

I give up. You know, today started out really good. I got up at 8, washed my hair, ate breakfast, tidied up my room, started my laundry...I even darned my socks and mended clothes! I was feeling very good about what I had accomplished today.

Then they got home.

The first thing I heard when I showed G-ma my sewing was that I had wasted my time. As an afterthought, she added that she was glad I did it, but that it was still a waste of time. Oh, great. Then, since all my laundry was done but my towels, I heard about how I was cluttering up her laundry room. No, "Oh, hey, good job getting your laundry done." Nope. Then she came to my room. I had just barely moved my laundry stuff in there so G-pa could have his precious TV to himself, but it still looked okay. And I hear, "You'd better get started on this room."

I GIVE UP! There's no way I'm ever going to make these people happy, or proud. I make my own meals, and hear "Who messed up my kitchen?" I don't CARE anymore! I'll clean my room when I want, and when I think it's good enough, it's good enough, darnit! I'll do my own laundry, and I'll mend a THOUSAND socks and dresses if I feel they need it, even if it IS a waste of time! I'm tired of doing my best and getting slapped for it. I'm sick and tired of feeling bad whenever they "critique" what I'm doing. Apparently I'm not going to get any praise from them, so I'm not going to try anymore.

Zonked

I'm typing this from Andrew's hospital room. He was finally able to sleep, as was Grandma. He's doing fairly well, drinking clear liquids (if you call sips drinking...I do), and walking a lot. He had called for some of his pain medication just before going to sleep, and the nurse who brought it (Ed) was very...talkative. He told us about the thymus, and a bunch of things that quite frankly we had heard before. Andrew was getting antsy because he wanted to sleep, and this nurse just kept talking. Finally, the nurse left. Andrew gave the door a sardonic look, before flinging his arm over his eyes and asking "Wasn't there a talking horse named Ed?" Grandma and I burst out laughing, but Andrew was oblivious...he was asleep.

Not all that much happened today. I did my presentation on Garth Nix, which went fairly well. I also found out that apparently my Children's Lit class ends on July 25th. My first reaction was panic, because I thought that was when the University term ended. That's fairly soon, and I was worried that Andrew might not be able to catch up in that little time. However, I checked the University schedule, and term doesn't end until August 11th. Now I'm happy, because that gives me 2 weeks without my 8 o'clock class...good time to get things done. That is, if the teacher doesn't revise the schedule. *shrug*

Anyway, that's about it. School, work, hospital. Eso es la vida! (Can't figure out how to get an upside-down exclamation point. What's the Spanish term for that?)

Progress:
Dini: 2 more paragraphs on Ch. 6, and another snippet that I'll put in later
C.B.A.C.U.T: Still threatens to be what its title says it is
Backstage Angel: On back burner, unfortunately
Xen MG Project: Art still pending approval
Mike text vid: Hope to have it out tomorrow, hospital permitting
DW Cross-stitch: Still waiting. Maybe I'll have it done in time for Spencer's graduation.

Recovery

Andrew is recovering from his surgery, and is finally on "sips." This means that he is allowed to take very very small sips of clear liquids. He's been taking it really slow, despite the fact that his throat is dry. I think that's good, so he will heal okay.

I have a presentation on Garth Nix (one of my favorite authors) on Friday. I'm supposed to tell about how his life affected his writing, and make a handout. I think it will turn out pretty well.

In other news, yesterday was Tayton Fuja's birthday! I can't believe he's two. Happy birthday, little cousin!~

Today we got a new trainee at work. Listen to this...her name is Brooke! Teehee. Anyway, I love training people because it lets me feel smart, but I always feel like I'm overloading them with information. I remember when I started work here. I was so overwhelmed! With the prices, the machines, the customers...Now, two years later, everything is sort of old hat. Once in a while you'll get a job that surprises you or that you really have to think hard about, but not very often.

I'll get back to work now. Bye!

Work Progress:
Dini: Ch. 6...stuck
C.B.A.C.I.T.: Conceptualizing, Ch. 1...stuck
Backstage Angel: Conceptualizing...back burner
Ananda M.G. Project: Art Approval Pending
Mike Text Vid: Clips ordered, working on text
D&W Cross-stitch: Stuck, back burner

In Again

Andrew went in for another surgery at 1:05 pm today to relieve a partial bowel obstruction. That's the reason he hasn't been able to keep anything down. Heavenly Father willing, this will solve many of his problems and he can begin recovery instead of just remaining in trouble. He's going to have to be in the hospital another three days to a week, but at least now we know what is going on. We remain very hopeful! Please keep Andrew in your prayers.

Hot, Hot, HOT!

Me with my "Late Night" face

Okay, when I'm hot, you know the temperature is up there. Because I'm the one who's cold at 75 degrees. At least I got to spend most of today in a nice cool hospital, and class, and work.

All right, Andrew update. So...he's not well yet. They had hoped to release him today, but he started vomiting, so obviously that's not good. Honestly, I really wanted to be there with him, or at least to be there with Mommy...but there's not much I could do. I stayed with Mommy from about 8 am to 10 am (when I had to go to class), but I really just got in the way. I feel so useless! I know Mommy is stressed, and I hate seeing Andrew like this...He's so pale, and you know even though he's my little brother he's always been the sort of stoic it-doesn't-bother-me type. Always did things for himself, you know? And he's doing great...it's just...I don't know. I wish I could do something more to help. So I worry a lot and pray really, really hard.

My Brave Little Bro

He's doing good, though. I mean, he's walking and stuff. I just keep thinking how blessed we are that this didn't happen earlier, when Daddy was out of a job and without insurance. Or later, when Andrew was on his mission (wouldn't that have been something). Thank heaven for small favors.

And amidst all of this, Fred is trying to get me to work more hours for people who decided to leave last minute! I'm sorry, but I'm already stressed, and I have an exam that weekend, and he's trying to guilt me into it. He keeps saying, "Well, I could have talked Max into closing for the weekend, but somebody closed 30 minutes early on a Saturday..." Okay, I did that. I made a decision, and it turned out to be a mistake. But I am not taking Saturdays till the end of time for people because of that mistake! I got reprimanded and everything, I feel I've paid my dues.

Sorry. I'm just really really stressed and tired. But I can't sleep. *sigh...*

P.S. Doesn't the movie "A Series of Unfortunate Events" have one of the most dissatisfying endings of all time? Ha!

Update: Andrew's Appendicitis

You know how Andrew was sick? Well, he went in to the hospital today with appendicitis. Apparently, his appendix had leaked and he was getting gangrene in there...the doctor said the surgery went fine. There's a 5-7 percent chance of getting an abscess stomach or something, and if that happens they'll just drain it and be fine.

Poor Andrew! I know they said he's fine, but... No matter how big he gets, he's always my little brother, and I love him and worry about him so much.


Please keep him in your prayers so he'll recover okay. You know the two things he was most worried about as they put him under? His classes, and dehydration!

Triumph...and an inferiority complex

Oh, yeah. Picture. *sigh...*

This was a much better idea when I actually looked good. (teehee) I'm on campus right now, so the lighting isn't great. I'm looking off to the side because I'm watching a spider who seems determined to get where I am. I don't want to kill it right now...but if it climbs up on me...beware. I'm sitting between two EFY classes right now. Apparently one is called "I spy a Nephite" and the speaker is in costume.

Okay. Triumph! My project of the day was finding...was it Ryann? Sorry, gals, that day is so mixed up for me I don't remember which one of you said you subscribed to my blog. I figured the least I could do is subscribe to yours. By the way, thanks for the tip about Google Reader. Anyway, I couldn't do it the easy way and ask for the url. Nope, I got to be miss Nancy Drew and search for it! I found lostboy's first, and was reasonably sure that the Ryann he was talking about was my Ryann...but reasonably sure usually doesn't cut it over the internet. So I went looking for Ryanns (since he doesn't have a link to it, silly boy), and found it! SUCCESS!

Now I have an inferiority complex, because I read some of his posts, and he is way cool. I mean, his blog is. I wish I were one of those people who can write creative things like that, and make my life seem interesting...but right now...not much to tell. I've never really been one to keep up on recent events (the news was a banned subject in my house because it's too depressing)...

So I'm going to try and be creative...Oh, someone wrote a letter into the university newspaper about how the "Twilight" series by Stephanie Myers is pornography. They say it "creates unrealistic expectations" for girls concerning boys. I can just imagine this person's girlfriend reading the series, putting it down, looking at her slightly lazy boyfriend and saying, "Why can't you be more like that?"

Anyway, it's completely ridiculous, no? First of all, look at the definition of pornography. Dictionary.com defines it as: "Sexually explicit pictures, writing, or other material whose primary purpose is to cause sexual arousal." Well, the Twilight series is definitely not that. So let's look at a less secular source: LDS.org.
LDS.org states that pornography is: "Pornography is any material depicting or describing the human body or sexual conduct in a way that arouses sexual feelings." The Twilight series doesn't do that either.

I suppose I can see where the person is coming from. 1) There is a talk about why pornography is bad, one of the reasons being that is creates unrealistic sexual expectations. This letter-writer seems to have generalized that to all expectations. 2) One of the main characters clearly wants to have sex without marriage. I don't agree with that, but that does not make the books pornography. 3) Descriptions of kisses are aimed to give warm fuzzies, or make kissing sound really good. But it never goes any farther than a kiss.

Honestly, if the Twilight books are pornography (raising expectations being the only qualification for pornography according to the letter writer), so are half the books written. What young girl hasn't expected her husband-to-be to be a Prince Charming, like in Cinderella? What girl hasn't wished at one time or another for a boyfriend like so-and-so from such-and-such? Honestly, girls naturally have unrealistic expectations about romantic things. They dream about a spectacular first kiss, a romantic boyfriend, an amazing proposal, and an idyllic life. Does that mean that girls are naturally pornographic?

I strongly suggest that the letter writer re-examine what the General Authorities have said about pornography. His comments are ridiculous!

Anyway, I have to get to work.

Marshmallows? *sniff...*

I'm staying home from FHE because I still have ten more PAGES of Old Testament homework to cross-reference. Ugh! Needless to say...depressed a little. I mean, I'm missing roasting marshmallows! *sobs* I love roasting marshmallows!

Honestly, my life is sooo busy right now...I get up, go to Children's Lit, run to Old Testament (because the Children's Lit teacher usually goes a bit over, and the O.T. teacher hates you to be late), then run to work. Then I work...which is crazy. Every day seems crazier than the last...and every day I think "It can't possibly get any crazier." Maybe I should stop thinking that, eh?

Anyway, then I come home, do my Old Testament homework, and get to bed at 10:00 pm. The O.T. teacher told us that we should plan on doing the University's "recommendation" of 3 hrs of homework per credit hour. That means 6 hours of homework for his class. So far, that prediction has been correct. YUCK!

Andrew has a little stomach flu, I feel really bad for him because nausea is my least favorite feeling of all time...and he had a date planned for tonight. So sad! I really hope he gets better soon.

I hear grandma talking to Mommy on the phone. I think she's mad at me for not going to FHE. So now I'm going to get a talking to from my mother (bless her heart) about how I'm falling away from the church...I'm sorry, but it's either miss an FHE (*sigh...* marshmallows...) or get a B or worse in this class. I just know she's going to find some way to link this to my pierced ears...I love her.

Anyway, speaking of homework, I better get on mine.

"Yesterday"

I've decided that before my posts I'm going to start putting a picture of me exactly as I am at the moment. So this is me being tired and having no makeup on at all. Yay! Ugh...

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Today I was listening through all my iTunes stuff (lots of Old Testament homework), and came upon the son "Yesterday" by...the Beatles. I think. Band names are the bane of my existance!

Anyway, I had to smile, because I remember my Show and Chamber choir singing that one in 2006. At the time...the song did not make me smile. I was going through a really rough time, trying to get scholarships and keep grades up, having a tight schedule, and dealing with my now-ex-sort-of-boyfriend.

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For anyone who doesn't know the story I'll give the reader's digest version: This boy, I'll call him Manuel, liked me. He was friends with another boy that I really liked to hang out with, and finally Manuel asked me out. Because of this, the other boy stepped back. That made me sad. To make things worse (sort of), Manuel and I kept going out. We weren't really an item (at least, never in my mind), but he was the only one who ever asked me out...so he was the only one I dated. And I could NOT figure out why I wasn't crazy about Manuel! He was everything on my list! He respected him mom, opened doors for me, had a good head on his shoulders, was very intelligent, complimented me a lot, was romantic...he even sang! But I just didn't feel like I could be myself around him. So the guy I liked was staying away, and the guy that was okay thought that we were more serious than I did.

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So. Life problems, love problems...and I think there was something going on at home that was hard for me...maybe someone was ill, or something. I don't remember. Add that to the fact that I have a major problem with growing up...it just seems sometimes that life's passing me by before I can grab onto enough of it. But I couldn't keep from crying when we sang this song in Show and Chamber. I actually had to step out of the room. I mean, the lyrics:

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"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away,

Now it looks as though they're here to stay,"

Well, I sure had troubles, and at the time it didn't seem like they were ever going to end. I saw no end in sight.

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"Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play,

Now I need a place to hide away..."

Speaks for itself. And there were times I literally hid from Manuel because I just didn't want to deal with him right then.

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Anyway, the point is, now I look back on that and smile! It's really a testament to me about how life has ups and downs, but the downs always end! I've been in many hard places since then and each time have not been able to see a way out--an ending-- to all the darkness around me. It seemed like I would go on in shadow forever, but I was determined to go on, believing that somewhere on the other side of this down there HAD to be an up. And I was right! There was always an up. Sometimes it took a lot of courage and admitting I had messed up, but there definitely was an up. How wonderful it is that our Heavenly Father has provided for us a way to gain this experience, and a way to get up from our downs! It takes courage, and admitting that we've messed up, and some definite work to get up from the down...but it is possible, and He helps us every step of the way!

My Pierced Ears Story

Me with my newly pierced ears

Well, it's finals week again (week...two days...ugh). And then I get a whole 2 day break before the next term. On the up side, my ear piercing seems to be healing fine.

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I promised some people I would tell the story, so here it is: My friend and I started out from my house around noon. I had google maps directions, and even a little ipod virtual trip to the place. Getting there happened pretty much without incident, except that it was raining buckets at times, but that's normal for here. When we got to the piercing parlor, she gave me my birthday present. It was a card that sang "Bad to the Bone" (her statement on my mini-rebellion, lol), and some earrings. Then we went in. The place was burning lots of incense, which took a while to get used to. Incense usually makes my head ache.

...

Okay, back from work. Anyway, so we walk up to the counter, fill out forms that asked a lot of stuff (including my myspace...wow), and picked out my studs. Then we waited for a bit, then "Ed" took us back and pierced my ears. Not much to tell about that. He tried to make me at ease...my best friend told me later that I looked like I was going to faint. I didn't feel like it, and I wasn't all that nervous, but whatever. I was more nervous that I was going to faint, because that would be embarrassing...meh. He took 30 minutes to mark my ears, and then finally had me lay down, covered my face except my ear with tissue paper, and stuck the needl---

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>>>BLUE<<< style="font-style: italic;">

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That was Andrew. He's a dork (but I love him). Anyway, so he stuck the needle through my left ear, and put the earring in, and then he did the right ear. He did this one more slowly and I heard it pop. Oh, joy. Then it was done. They said if the piercing felt dry I should use emu oil. Emu oil?! Who has emu oil?! Anyway, so on the way back....long story short, my friend and I got hopelessly lost and ended up halfway across the state. So much for road trips without GPS, or any bathrooms in sight. Never again, I tell you!!! Well, eventually we made it home, and I fell into bed. and that's pretty much it.

Major craziness!

I know, I know, it's been a while. But I actually have a legitimate excuse...I got into my major! YAY! So I've been in major classes for the first time. I actually really like them most days.

Advanced Writing: Since I'm taking this advanced writing class Spring instead of Fall or Winter (the way it's usually taken), the workload is due a lot sooner (which means I had about a week to write a 10 page paper). But the teacher is pretty cool about turning things in a little later as long as we're up front with him about every little problem so he knows WHY he's getting it late, and he's great with revisions and stuff.

Math: It's really fun learning how to teach math and stuff, although I have to do a 25-minute presentation on Fibonacci numbers (25 minutes just for ME...oh joy). It's interesting to go home an test the stuff out on Catherine and Gordon and actually see that they do solve problems the way the Carpenter study says they do (for people who don't know what that is, basically Carpenter studied a whole bunch of grammar school students and found consistent ways they solve math problems).

Music: Just a BLAST! We get to do autoharps and recorders, and I'm actually getting to sound okay on both of them! At times it's sort of frustrating and boring because we spend a lot of time explaining scales and key signatures to those who can't get them. I don't really mind that. But when I heard one of the girls in my music class complaining about it (we were in math at the time), and saying that "It's like she expects you to already know half this stuff...I'm not musical..." I felt like standing up and saying, "We just spent a whole HOUR on scales yesterday, just for you...and now you're complaining that we don't help you enough?!" On top of that, when she was taking the test I noticed that she had positioned herself right in front of the scale chart and was just copying it down, so I guess she doesn't really want to learn it. But all in all the music class is SOOO fun! I even have the same teacher that my mom worked a summer for when she was in the program!

Other than that...I got my ears pierced for my 20th birthday! I actually like it, the fact that I can wear earrings and not even feel them. Andrew graduated (making me feel old, haha) and is going to be moving in sometime pretty soon here. When I get screenshots from the footage we took I'll post them here. I was soooo proud of my little brother! He starts here Summer term, so that will be fun.

Drowzzzzzziness

I'm very tired. I don't know why, I think I got to bed in plenty of time last night. But my sinuses ache, and my eyes feel gritty. I should be studying for a test, but I just can't THINK right now! I would take a nap (my next class doesn't start for a bit), but I forgot my contact case.

On the up side, work went okay today. Fred gave me a cute folder that had been sitting in the L&F Originals for a while. And later today (in Drawing class), we'll be doing self-portraits by the Grid Method. I'm pretty excited as to how mine will turn out. At least, I would be if I weren't so darned tired!

Mommy says I need to have the house cleaned by tomorrow morning. I was thinking that would be no problem, but with how tired I am and getting home at 7 pm...Ick.

On the up side, Grandma and Grandpa will be coming home very soon. And I got new socks! Yay!

Happy Time

Okay, this is going to be a happy post. Yes, I know you're surprised, but it IS going to be happy. I have a head cold, so everything, like, echoes. BUT it makes my singing sound cool, and I can sing really low. Janette came over last night, and we had a fun sleepover. I found this really good instant chow mein at Maceys. The thing is, it's sort of expensive. I may go to my house and make some of the Keli'iliki's noodle stuff. It can be frozen, so I could just take some out and thaw it when I want some. Sounds good, neh? Anyways, G-ma and G-pa should be back from Wyoming soon. I really hope they had a good time.

I am SOOO ready for Thanksgiving break. It is going to be so fun! Oh, hey, I have a presentation for religion on Monday. I think it's going to go well. At least I hope so. Anyways, I'm gonna go take a lie-down cuz I'm sort of dizzy.

Buh-Bye!

IMMA SAP

Who can't resist a call from a coworker and ends up working for them? Me. Who receives Avon packages and theatre makeup for my friends? Me. That's right, I'm the international sap. This week's sap moment is when my friend (who will remain anonymous to preserve her dignity)...Well, she buys her bra at Victoria's Secret. The stores here stopped selling her kind, so she has to buy it online, right? She was going on about how if she got it delivered to her apartment, her roommates would razz her about that she's getting something for her boyfriend. She can't have it shipped to him, because...well, you know. Anyways, she COULD have rented a PO box, but...she gave me "puppy dog" eyes, and...you guessed it. I'm receiving the package for her. She figures I can put the stuff in an empty Avon box of mine.

Why do I always end up doing this? Guess I'm nice. That's good, right? Nice is good?

Anyways, I have to go study for a test. Bye!

Place holder in case I can't come up with something witty.

I had to stay home today. I've got something that the doctor called "bell curve flu" (flu season came early, folks, so break out those shots!). In essence, it's a sort of series of flu "relapses" or something. One minute you'll be fine, and the next you'll be sick again. Basically, everything fluctuates. You may be tired, and then the next minute be full of energy. You may be hungry, and then take two bites and feel full to bursting. You may feel hot and cold, etc. They tell me these are the result of the fever breaking repeatedly, and then rising again.

So yeah. Guess I deserved it. No, really I do. After rereading my self-sorry post from yesterday...Why don't I take it down, you say? Because the emotions and thoughts are TRUE. Who knows, one day one of my kids may feel that way, and it would be good for them to see that I felt that way, too.

I feel better now. Still homesick, but what else is new. Mostly, I'm nervous about my Geography test tomorrow, and my Japanese class. And I'm STIR-CRAZY! I have been cooped up in the bedroom all day and I want OUT of here!

But that may just be the disease problem. Next thing you know, I'll be so tired I can't keep my eyes open. Ah, the perversity of life, eh?

Mommy came over and left some of her FABULOUS chicken dumpling soup, which I had for dinner. It's always gone too fast, but MAN is it good while it lasts.

Ever wonder why I put so many caps-locks in there? It's cuz I want emphasis and am too lazy to push "Ctrl-I."

Happiness

I have a confession to make. I skipped my first class today, Japanese. I know, gasp, I just...I dunno. What happened to the girl who had nothing but disdain for people who skipped? I really couldn't tell you. I don't know if I know her anymore.

Why aren't I happy? I feel like I've been just...existing. That's it. I'll get really sad sometimes, but I don't feel like I'm really happy anymore. I'm not depressed. I WON'T be depressed. I just wonder why I'm not happy. It's like the happiness is in a bubble, and I can't let it out. I feel like I've tried everything.

So now I tried skipping a class. I thought, if I could just get a break, if I could just be free for a minute of the stress...Wrong thing. It didn't help, and I think it made things worse. Cuz now I'm stressing about my grade in that class, and what I missed. It was just review, but still...

Isn't living the gospel supposed to make us happy? Isn't it the plan of happiness? What am I not doing? Why am I not happy? I went to church, I bore my testimony, I'm getting better at reading my scriptures, I pray, I'm doing extractions...Why aren't I happy? What am I doing wrong?!

I won't turn to drugs. I WILL NEVER do drugs. I know that won't make me happy.

I need a tissue. And maybe a hug.

But no one really reads this, do they? I'm just writing this for myself, I guess. Guess that's why I ramble all over the place.

Yesterday was good. My family came over, and we played games. I was happy then, I think. But I've got to be happy when my family isn't around. Gotta cut those apron strings, they say. I know they're right. I just don't know what more to do to make myself happy.

Can I force myself to be happy?

I would skip classes. I want to. I want to go home. But what would mommy say? I don't want her worrying about me, she has so much to worry about already.

Crap. I'm crying. Right in the middle of class, I'm crying.

Better stop before it gets worse.

Stiffneckedness

Okay, so it's not what it sounds, but I DO have stiff neck. Anybody have any ideas on how to ease one of those? I think I just slept on it funny, but it still hurts.

Well, Mommy is subbing for three days in an LD Resource (Learning Disability Resource) class, so she was pretty stressed out, but I know she'll do fine. It never ceases to amaze me what a wonderful teacher she is, and how she loves those children.

Poor Catherine came (went?) down with a fever of 103 on Saturday, and a cough. Does pneumonia usually carry a fever and a cough? Maybe I'm just paranoid, but I hate to see my baby feeling so miserable.

The good stuff: I got to spend the Sunday sessions of conference with my family! It was great. Our "mini-meal" (the traditional meal of finger food at the end of the first session, I'm sure it hearkens back to the ancient Israelites) was fantastic: highlights included guacamole, vienna sausages, fresh pineapple, and our clam-olive canapes that were gone within minutes of setting them on the table.

Well, as for me, I've got no news, really. Work's the same as usual, school is okay (I'm starting my first round of midterms, but the panic hasn't hit me yet. It's funny how grandma thinks because I'm having midterms, we're halfway through the semester. Nowadays, "midterm" is just a word for "test whenever I darn well want to have it." (College students: am I right or am I right?) Oh, good news: I got a 95% on a history test I was really worried about, so I'm happy.

Well, I wish I could say I won a sweepstakes or got engaged or got a new job, but none of those would be true. Just a reminder: I do take blind dates and invitations to dinner! (j/k)

That's all for now. Sorry about the big gap 'tween posts.

--Beth

PS: Daniel, I saw this morning that the Widtsoe (sp?) had a fire drill. Were you there when that happened?

PPS: I forgot to tell, I cut my hair!!! Pic below:

Sweet Iowa Corn!

Hey, that sounds like a cool expletive. Anyways, that's not quite what we had for dinner last night, but we did have fresh corn on the cob. It started to rain, and we sat and ate with the smell of rain all around us. We saw a rainbow, it was really pretty.

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